Five Habits of Highly Effective Conflict Resolvers
Steven Covey had the right idea. There are discreet skills and
attitudes, habits if you will, that can elevate your conflict
practice to a new level. This article shares a selection of
habits and attitudes that can transform a good conflict resolver
into a highly effective one. By that I mean someone who
facilitates productive, meaningful discussion between others
that results in deeper self-awareness, mutual understanding and
workable solutions. I have used the term 'conflict resolver' intentionally to
reienforce the idea that human resource professionals and
managers are instrumental in ending disputes, regardless of
whether they are also mediators. These conflict management
techniques are life skills that are useful in whatever setting
you find yourself. With these skills, you can create
environments that are respectful, collaborative and conducive to
problem-solving. And, you'll teach your employees to be
proactive, by modeling successful conflict management behaviors. 1. UNDERSTAND THE EMPLOYEE'S NEEDS Since you're the 'go to person' in your organization, it's
natural for you to jump right in to handle conflict. When an
employee visits you to discuss a personality conflict, you
assess a situation, determine the next steps and proceed until
the problem is solved. But is that helpful? When you take charge, the employee is relieved of his or her
responsibility to find a solution. That leaves you to do the
work around finding alternatives. And while you want to do
what's best for this person (and the organization), it's
important to ask what the employee wants first-- whether it's to
vent, brainstorm solutions or get some coaching. Understand
what the person entering your door wants by asking questions: ? How can I be most helpful to you? ? What are you hoping I will do? ? What do you see my role as in this matter? 2. ENGAGE IN COLLABORATIVE LISTENING By now everyone has taken at least one active listening course
so I won't address the basic skills. Collaborative Listening
takes those attending and discerning skills one step further.
It recognizes that in listening each person has a job that
supports the work of the other. The speaker's job is to clearly
express his or her thoughts, feelings and goals. The listener's
job is facilitating clarity; understanding and make the employee
feel heard. So what's the difference? The distinction is acknowledgement.
Your role is to help the employee gain a deeper understanding of
her own interests and needs; to define concepts and words in a
way that expresses her values (i.e. respect means something
different to each one of us); and to make her feel
acknowledged-someone sees things from her point of view. Making an acknowledgement is tricky in corporate settings.
Understandably, you want to help the employee but are mindful of the issues of corporate liability. You can acknowledge the
employee even while safeguarding your company. Simply put, acknowledgement does not mean agreement. It means
letting the employee know that you can see how he got to his
truth. It doesn't mean taking sides with the employee or
abandoning your corporate responsibilities. Acknowledgement can
be the bridge across misperceptions. Engage in Collaborative
Listening by: ? Help the employee to explore and be clear about his interests
and goals ? Acknowledge her perspective o I can see how you might see it that way. o That must be difficult for you. o I understand that you feel _______ about this. ? Ask questions that probe for deeper understanding on both your
parts: o When you said x, what did you mean by that? o If y happens, what's significant about that for you? o What am I missing in understanding this from your perspective? 3. BE A GOOD TRANSMITTER Messages transmitted from one person to the next are very
powerful. Sometimes people have to hear it 'from the horse's
mouth'. Other times, you'll have to be the transmitter of good
thoughts and feelings. Pick up those 'gems', those positive
messages that flow when employees feel safe and heard in
mediation, and present them to the other employee. Your
progress will improve. We're all human. You know how easy it is to hold a grudge, or
assign blame. Sharing gems appropriately can help each employee
begin to shift their perceptions of the situation, and more
importantly, of each other. To deliver polished gems, try to: ? Act soon after hearing the gem ? Paraphrase accurately so the words aren't distorted ? Ask the listener if this is new information and if changes her stance ? Avoid expecting the employees to visibly demonstrate a 'shift in stance' (it happens internally and on their timetable, not ours) 4. RECOGNIZE POWER Power is a dominant factor in mediation that raises many
questions: What is it? Who has it? How to do you balance power?
Assumptions about who is the 'powerful one' are easy to make and
sometimes wrong. Skillful conflict resolvers recognize power
dynamics in conflicts and are mindful about how to authentically
manage them. You can recognize power by being aware that: ? Power is fluid and exchangeable ? Employees possess power over the content and their process (think of employees concerns as the water flowing into and being held by the container) ? Resolvers possess power over the mediation process (their knowledge, wisdom, experience, and commitment form the container) ? Your roles as an HR professional and resolver will have a significant impact on power dynamics 5. BE OPTIMISTIC & RESILIENT Agreeing to participate in mediation is an act of courage and
hope. By participating, employees are conveying their belief in
value of the relationship. They are also expressing their trust
in you to be responsive to and supportive of our efforts.
Employees may first communicate their anger, frustration,
suffering, righteousness, regret, not their best hopes. You can
inspire them to continue by being optimistic: ? Be positive about your experiences with mediation ? Hold their
best wishes and hopes for the future ? Encourage them to work
towards their hopes Be Resilient. Remember the last time you were stuck in a
conflict? You probably replayed the conversation in your mind
over and over, thinking about different endings and scolding
yourself. Employees get stuck, too. In fact, employees can
become so worn down and apathetic about their conflict,
especially a long-standing dispute; they'd do anything to end it. Yes, even agree with each other prematurely. Don't let them
settle. Mediation is about each employee getting their interest
met. Be resilient: ? Be prepared to move yourself and the employees though
productive and less productive cycles of the mediation ? Help the employees see their movement and progress ? Be mindful and appreciative of the hard work you all are doing Hopefully, you've discovered that these are your own habits in
one form or another and that your organization is benefiting
from your knowledge. You can learn more about workplace
mediation and mediation in general from these books and websites: The Power of Mediation Bringing Peace into the Room Difficult
Conversation: How to Say What Matters Most
www.ne-acr.org (The New England Association of Conflict Resolvers)
www.mediate.com (mediation portal site)
www.workwelltogether.com (conflict management toolkit) "Mediation is based on a belief in the fundamental honesty of
human beings. Which is another way of saying we all want to be
treated justly - that is according to our unique situation and
viewpoint on the world. And we cannot expect to be treated
justly if we do not honestly reveal ourselves." ~ the Honourable
Neville Chamberlain, British Prime Minister 1937 Dina Beach Lynch, Esq., CEO of WorkWellTogether.com, is a mediator, trainer and coach. Get advice and support using the Five Habits at her teleseminar on 10/26/04. For more information and register, visit WorkWellTogether.com
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Never Wrestle with a PIG
The business books at the library and book
stores fill many shelves. Some authors tend
to run a little long at the keyboard. There
is one voice that stands out from the crowd,
Mark McCormack.
Why and How to Work with a Consultant
A good consultant provides specialist abilities and experience, innovative ideas, second opinions (reality checks), unbiased appraisals, and new approaches.
Whatever it Takes!
I have a sign on my office door. It pretty much summarizes my philosophy of life.
How to Attract and Retain the Right People
If you're one of the many executives struggling with finding and keeping the right people to propel your business forward, you'll find these insights helpful.
Innovation Management ? smart people dont necessarily produce great ideas
Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation whilst innovation can be defined as idea selection, development and commercialisation.
Knowledge Management: More Than Just Know-how!
People sometimes interchange the terms "know-how" and "knowledge", but there's a world of difference! Systems vendors are falling over themselves to sell you so-called "integrated knowledge management solutions", but these are rarely more than glorified information management systems with go-faster stripes.
Satisfied Employees, A Powerful Marketing Strategy
Even in today's still uncertain economic times, there are companies who are doing extraordinarily well. Why is it that some companies are thriving while others are barely making it? You can always blame the economy, but is that the only reason? The answer could be as simple as how respected and appreciated your staff feels.
Use Every Weapon You Have
One of the strongest weapons available allows business, non-profit and association managers to begin changing the behaviors of their key external audiences in ways that lead directly to achieving their primary operating objectives.
Why Businesses Need to Start Nurturing Collective Wisdom
COLLECTIVE WISDOM CAN BE AN effective tool for solving the problem of knowledge deficit, or the underutilization of organizational knowledge. If you are a small, medium or large business, and you don't have a method in place for harnessing and managing your organization's collective knowledge, you may be losing opportunities for significant revenue enhancement. According to a study by the Delphi Group, less than 20 percent of knowledge available to an enterprise is actually used. Furthermore,
Keeping Meetings On Track
We all have been in meetings with certain people who get our blood pressure to rise or just make us feel what a waste of time. Here are some of those people and hints on how you can maintain keep the meeting on track without coming across as a dictator or inept leader.
Hire Winners: Avoid These 10 Interview No-No?s
Have you ever hired someone who did not live up to expectations? I'm sure many of us have at one time. The purpose of the interview is to obtain good information about an applicant to make a wise selection decision. It may sound simple but then why are there so many poor hires? The reason is that many hiring managers make 10 key interviewing errors that prevent them from hiring the best people.
The Red Phone - Management Consulting in 30 Seconds or Less
Modern business faces complex problems; management often calls upon highly-specialized consultants to help them address these difficult problems. If you're ever called to help identify these most pressing issues, one of the easiest and quickest ways to start is to talk about the "Red Phone".
One Crazy Cookie
In order to survive, you have to be happier than if you were in your right mind.
Effective Meetings Begin With a Real Agenda
Everyone knows that an agenda is the key to an effective meeting. But an agenda
that consists of a list of nouns, such as budget, software, and picnic, is useless.
Here's how to prepare a real agenda that puts you in control of the meeting.
5 Ideas To Leverage The 3 Stages Of Career Development In Your Organization
In most industrialized nations, the average age a student graduates from high school is 18 years old and the average retirement age is 65 years old ? a difference of 47 years. On average, most people work 40 to 50 years of their lives. It is well established that during these 40 to 50 years of employment workers undergo at least three distinct phases in their career development:
Innovation Management ? Emotion, Habit, and Culture can be Hard to Change!
Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation whilst innovation can be defined as idea selection, development and commercialisation.
Joint Accountability: Another Key for Your Effectiveness
I once was part of a group of management professors who often taught in executive development seminars. Other non-management professors in the school ran these. Occasionally these non-management professors would approach someone else in the management group to express their concerns about our teaching - they wouldn't approach the person who had taught for them.
Maximizing Sales through the Ultimate Tracking Software
Every small to mid-sized business owner would love to know how to effectively keep a pulse on their marketing and customer service efforts. The common barrier that all companies run into is how to cost effectively measure and control this process.
How to Reject a Job Applicant
A Nightmare That Really Happened
Problem-Solving Success Tip: Whatever You Do, Do It on Purpose
Decision-making shows up throughout the problem-solving process. The decisions may be difficult or unpopular, so it's very tempting to ignore some of them. Imitating an ostrich, however, is a wimpy way to decide not to change anything-and is quite likely to leave you making awkward explanations later.
|