Conflict at 36,000 ft
This was supposed to be one of those sleepy flights that leaves late, crosses two
time zones, and arrives at 11:00 p.m. But it wasn't. Yes, everyone is okay. Yet the three hour delay, a night in jail for one of the
passengers, and a possible lawsuit could all have been avoided. Here's the story and the lessons we can learn from it. The passenger sitting across the aisle from me asked for a drink of water.
Apparently the attendant walked by, ignoring her request. So the passenger went to
the front of the plane to obtain a drink of water. An argument followed and the
passenger returned to her seat, wrapped herself in a blanket, and lay down. A
second attendant approached and the passenger announced, "I've been harassed
and I'm going to file a complaint." This attendant left and the first attendant came to
the passenger and demanded, "What's your problem?" The passenger replied, "Leave
me alone." This exchange went back and forth a few times and then the attendant
said, "You're a freak. I'm going to have you taken off the plane." After the attendant left, the passenger sat up. She faced me and said, "You're a
witness. You have to tell the truth about what happened." Tears flowed down her
cheeks. We talked. In the course of our conversation I helped her calm down and I counseled
her to tell the attendants that she felt fine, that she was no longer upset, and that
she was sorry for anything that she might have said. I suggested that if she behaved
otherwise, the attendants would use her actions as evidence against her. When we landed in El Paso (a scheduled stop), an airline representative asked the
passenger to leave the plane. The passenger was met by police on the exit ramp
who took her to the police station in the airport and placed her in jail. Hours later
four agents from the FBI came to interview the passenger, me (as a witness), and the
attendants. The next day the FBI released the passenger because they concluded that she was
innocent. I know this because she phoned me the day after to thank me for my help. Lesson One. This event illustrates the psychology of disrespect. When a person is
treated with disrespect, they feel a loss of freedom. Loss of freedom feels like a
threat, which causes fear. Most people respond to fear with anger. In this case, both people perceived disrespect. The passenger didn't receive a drink
of water and complained. The attendant didn't receive an explanation about the
passenger's complaint and had the passenger removed from the plane. Lesson Two. Sometimes disrespect starts a nasty sequence of actions. Powerful
Party A treats weaker Party B with disrespect. Party B reacts by complaining or
counterattacking. And then Party A punishes Party B for reacting. People in positions of authority have an extra responsibility to apply effective,
respectful communication skills. If they don't do this, they can make criminals out
of innocent people. The attendant, for example, could have avoided the entire
situation by using techniques that I teach in my workshop on the human side of
communication. You will find details at: http://www.stevekaye.com/workshop-communicate.htm Lesson Three. In our relationships, we want to avoid starting situations where we
must depend upon the other person to respond with greater maturity or decency
that we have demonstrated. For example, angry bosses and hostile colleagues depend upon their targets to
refrain from retaliation. Lesson Four. If you are treated with disrespect, you must avoid counterattacking.
This breaks the cycle and prevents you from taking actions that could warrant
punishment. In general, you want to be the most mature, most decent person in any
conversation or exchange. - - - - - - - - IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with leaders who
want to be more effective. His innovative workshops have informed and inspired
people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will support. Call
714-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas. Sign up for
his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com
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