Why Would Anyone Do That in My Meeting?
Imagine that you open a meeting by saying, "We need to talk about the budget." And someone responds with, "I named my dog Budget because everyone tells me
he's too big." After the laughter subsides, you wonder why anyone would make such a silly remark
in your meeting. And this leads to a larger question: Why would anyone misbehave in a meeting?
Taken to the extreme, misbehavior can ruin a meeting. That wastes everyone's time
and squanders the opportunity to produce useful results. Here are some possibilities. 1) They're uninformed Many people do not know how to plan, conduct, or participate in a meeting. They
think that gathering people in a conference room represents holding a meeting.
They believe that planning is unnecessary because they expect everyone to arrive
with a common agenda. They think that hosting a discussion actually leads to useful
results. These well-meaning attempts at holding a meeting are so
counterproductive that they can appear to be misbehavior. In addition, a bad
meeting irritates others, causing them to retaliate with misbehavior. Better: Show people how to plan and conduct meetings. Teach them how to use
process tools that help people make methodical progress toward results. Schedule a
workshop that shows people how to plan and lead meetings. (Call me to talk about
my outstanding workshop.) 2) They're bored. Many meetings occur with a few people talking while the rest watch. When this
happens, the quiet participants entertain themselves by daydreaming, starting side
conversations, or working on other tasks (such as preparing lists of things to do
once the meeting finally ends). People with extensive experience in bad meetings
have learned how to feign credible interest while being mentally absent. Better: Plan activities that involve everyone. Avoid relying on discussion for your
meeting because it allows the more vocal attendees to dominate. 3) They're mad. People can be mad for many reasons, such as they feel trapped in an unplanned
meeting or they disagree with the results being obtained. They could also feel mad
if others are preventing them from participating. People know that a meeting without an agenda will waste their time, and they resent
this. For example, a man once told me that he and his friends would "sandbag" any
meeting that was called without an agenda. They made inappropriate comments,
introduced distracting considerations, and asked pointless questions. Of course,
they acted with such professional sincerity that it seemed that they were being
productive instead of disruptive. Better: Always prepare an agenda. Always contact key participants before the
meeting to explain their role and to check if they are prepared for the meeting. 4) They disagree Meetings are an excellent activity to resolve disagreements. However, if people
disagree with the issue, the process, or the results AND are unable to exert
influence, they will rebel. This rebellion will appear as misbehavior in the meeting or
(worse) sabotage after the meeting. Better: Use process tools in the meeting that involve all of the participants. Always
contact key participants before holding a meeting on a controversial issue. Use
these conversations to listen to their views, explain the goals for the meeting, and
promote your intent for a fair resolution. Make sure that you seek a "Both/And"
result instead of an "Either/Or" result so that everyone gets what they need. 5) They misunderstand Sometimes people misunderstand expectations. For example, an executive was
surprised by the negative comments, ridicule, and hostility that occurred during his
first staff meeting with a new group. After some investigation, he learned that his
predecessor openly criticized and ridiculed people. Thus, this was the behavior that
the staff had learned to emulate. The executive fixed this by a) stating new
expectations, b) coaching key offenders, and c) setting an example of respectful
conduct. Better: Cultural management is a primary leadership responsibility. Demonstrate the
type of behavior that you want for productive meetings and provide private
corrective feedback to those who misbehave. An effective meeting is a team activity conducted by a fair process that involves
everyone. People respect this approach and will make positive contributions because
they know that such a meeting represents a good use of their time. IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye helps groups of people
hold effective meetings. His innovative workshops have informed and inspired
people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will support. Sign up
for his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com. Call 714-528-1300 or visit his
web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas.
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